being docile as i am

September 25, 2009

there is a woman who is a lion, and she is friends with gods. they’ve touched her with music- all in her ears, inside her lip, between her eyelid and brow, and it runs all through her body.

she shares it. she gives it back to the source, and she sings for her life. her arms have known ivory for a hundred thousand years.

i, of course, refer to the multi-manifest artist’s artist, tori amos.

to try and organize my relationship with her work and her as a champion, her as a woman, her as an animal – – oy vey, this process would not be simple. i do hope to create in her honor at some point.

what i’d like to bring up tonight is the idea of church. i use the word ‘church’ in the ‘hearth of spiritual activity’ sense. i don’t know when tori makes the time to attend church outside of tour- which is a little more cut and dry schedule-wise, but all the writing and reception, etc… her shows are like church. playing is like church, when it’s not flanked by vanity or half-effort. painting is like church. listening, looking. smelling. building. touching, being touched. all these things i need to attend to- while watching youtube videos from the more recent shows, i realized how much i would like to attend more of her shows, like i used to. and this brought me to the realization that i need to attend church more, instead of doing that thing that young people think they’re supposed to do- you know- going out to bars and clubs. sure, dancing is a religion, but spending money to get drunk with friends can only be so productive. not to say that it can’t be productive – i just mean that i don’t have ANY church balance whatsoever right now, and i need to make sure i make that time for myself. i am holy. i have to honor that. i feel further from that deliberate choice to pray than i have in quite some time. i used to spend almost all my time praying. my rooms were temples and my hands were music. this still rumbles in embers in my body, in my spirit, and i feel blessed to be aware of it.

now to address my dear holy innards!


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