Blood and soil

September 17, 2011

Blood and soil, wood and bones.

God it’s been forever since I recalled this ole blog!

Much has happened in the interim. Puppies come and gone, plants seeded, birthed, and cut back already. I mean, it’s fall. Today especially, it’s fall. I tasted it two days ago and now everyone else can smell it. Mmm.

Time to burn things and relax – we have nowhere to rush to: everything always dies.

(So that everything always is born, right?)

Oh glorious world. Forgive me for waxing poetic and typing like a tool, but if you know me in person, then you know I talk and think like this too. I can’t help the feelings! You can’t stop the beat!

This summer passed in its usual fever dream, but new experiences and revelations appeared underneath my feet. Stories and stretching into another new, closer version of myself were pricked all into my soles.

Work has been hilarious – but very beneficial and I feel finally like I’m starting to learn things I want to learn. I’m in my last year before I hit 25 — which is my year to begin my “five year” – which ends in London for a few years. Also the year where I begin doing finances like an adult and investing some of my earnings, etc. So it’s good now.

Another huuuge thing for me this summer was biking. I fell in love with my new bike and have almost died a hundred times but am so direly happy for it. Before biking from work everyday over that ole Manhattan bridge, I had no access to water. I was unable to fly because my feet are slow and clodding, even when I’m walking upright with grace and speed. On wheels, I felt a hint of what horse people must feel. Flying. The wind in your hair, the sun on your shoulders, your blood moving and your lungs working.. Senses keened up because of the constant possibility of an accident, even (especially!!) in the bike lanes.
I’ve gotten to piece together visually (well, with all my senses) the geography of our ridiculous old islands here. To me, that meant really falling in love with New York. I’ve loved it for less mature reasons and for more noble ones, but never have I loved it so solidly. It’s like year 2 of a relationship, you know? You’re past the ego and the excitement, past the gratification and the vanity, and you really start to look at the body that’s been sharing your bed for the past year. You notice how that area is always so tender, or how quickly bruises form there, or how when they get cut it’s always right there that the muscle lines appear, or how when they put on weight that area always gains first. And then you look at their eyes or the curve atop their lip or smell their shampoo when they get close and you’re like… oh, oh, you’re mine.
That’s what biking and connecting the geographical dots between neighborhoods did for me. I love New York so differently now, now that I’ve been inside so many other crannies of hers.

I had a few days where I thought I felt something close to love, and rediscovered how desperately I love and need to be around people who are as inspired as I am. On paper it’s silly and pedestrian, but I promise it was epic for me. You see, I’ve been focusing on work and sanity.

The main shift was caused by transitioning off the night shift from the past 2 years. It’s hard to get your shit together beyond staying afloat when you never see the light of day.

I’ve dated some. I’ve revisited some. I’ve laughed and been glad.

I realized I’m ready to move on from this past portion of my life. Time to grow up more. I’m heading back to Europe in 2 weeks! A week for Oktoberfest in Munich, a week for biking and things in Amsterdam, and a month in Greece.

Life beckons… glad to do the summary update.

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